Wednesday, July 27, 2011

How Jimmy Fallon inadvertently made me a person of Walmart.

I know I have the tendency to ramble on, so I tried to bold the important bits that prove I can truly pin this on Jimmy.

Our budget is pretty tight.  We get a great discount on flights since Brett works for American, but the discounted tickets to paycheck ratio is not awesome, so we have to be careful how often we fly or we get no paycheck.  Though we originall planned on going to Sacramento and NYC this August, we honestly thought our NYC plans were ruined when we failed to secure Late Night tickets.  So instead of flying to NYC we flew our family to SLC for a reunion.  NYC airfare money spent!

Well then Jimmy (ie LNJF's audience coordinator) gets us tickets.  Something I honestly in a million years never thought would happen.  I guess I am more persuasive (twitter-spam-annoying) than I thought because NYC IS BACK ON! But that NYC airfare money?  Gone.  We need more cash to be able to make this trip happen!  So of course, being the responsible wonderful awesome husband and father and provider that he is, Brett picks up extra shifts to pay for a hotel in and airfare to NYC.  And when I mean extra shifts, I mean an extra shift every day.  This guy is working from 8 am til 12 am. Without complaint. Are you starting to understand why I love this man so much?  Well Brett starts this crazy shift before we get a chance to go grocery shopping.

So we are a 1 car family, and our 1 car is now gone from 7:30 am til 12:30 am. and there is no food in the house. My kids are not awake at either of those times so it makes it hard (not to mention expensive) to drive him.  He comes home the first night of working this ridiculous shift to a super stank wife who, instead of loving on him and telling him how awesome he is demands, "did you buy milk on your way home?" to which he should have replied, "back off woman, I just worked 16 hours and I'm tired and was thinking about going to bed the second I got home because I would have to be awake in 7 hours to go back to work the next morning so, no I didn't even think to buy your stupid milk on the way home."
I think what he actually said was, "no, I'm sorry" to which I should have thrown my arms around his neck and kissed the beejuz out of him for being so good, but instead I think I gave him more stank attitude. 

So totally put-out, I take the car grocery shopping at the only time I have it (1:30 a.m.) to the only grocery store open at that hour (wal-mart). To make matters worse, I haven't showered that day because I am gross like that, I am still in my pajamas and last but not least (unrealized by me until I actually arrived) I did not put a bra on.  
Yeah I was gross.

And thus, I became a person of Walmart.  Courtesy of Jimmy Fallon. 

So if you've ever wondered what kind of person does the full-on grocery shopping run at 2:00 in the morning, now you know.

I didn't stop to take a full-body picture.  YOU'RE WELCOME.
P.S.  I still think I have 1 degree left, in which I would like to mention that the 6 degrees game is most commonly referenced with Kevin Bacon, who it all really comes back to, ya know?

P.P.S.  If you are friends with me on facebook you have seen the unedited version of this photo.  Yes I photoshopped out my huge eyebrow zit.  And again, YOU'RE WELCOME.

P.P.P.S.  (seriously kristina?  YES!) Now I want you all to know that I felt very repentant of my attitude towards my dear sweet awesome husband almost the second I pulled out of our parking lot.  When I came home from the store at 2:30 in the morning and unloaded all 3 trips of groceries up the stairs to our second floor apartment I sat down and wrote him the most heartfelt "forgive me" note known to man.  Unfortunately it made a lot more sense at 2:30 am then it did at 7:00 am when he read it, but I think he got the gist of it.  I quote, "I love you so much, and if I expressed how much I loved you at even 50% capacity 100% of the time you would be blown away by expresso-love."

UPDATE:  I added the whole video for those who were confused about the Shia/Andy reference. I'm almost afraid to underwhelm you, but it is a Foutz Family Favorite.


Kat said...

After reading your posts I wish so much that we lived close to you! You are hilarious and I want to get to know you better! Thank you so much for this post. I laughed out loud and will now go to FB to see the photo!

Jenni said...

This was a perfect post. I truly wish there was a full body shot because I am imagining you looking like a person of wal-mart, but in that picture you don't actually look like one. Your face is very funny, though. Annnd I love you.

Melanie said...

I miss you! Can't wait to get back to Lubbock. Glad to hear you are still going to NYC though. Jealous!

Cox Family said...

Loved it! Kristina you're awesome and this just made me laugh. Good luck with your trip to NYC!

Jenna said...

Girl, I am a Person of Wal-Mart every Saturday morning. My preferred method is to roll out of bed and go. Bras are for Safeway people.

Kristina said...

@kat- we so wish we lived closer to family! I'd suggest you move to lubbock but, well, then we'd all be in lubbock!!

@Jenni-- I MISS YOU. And no body shots for you, I am trying not to traumatize the masses.

@Melanie -- Git yerself back to Lubbock! SERIOUSLY!

@Cynthia -- we should be better friends. Like, hang out and do stuff friends.

@Jenna -- no safeway here, we go from walmart straight to the highclass United crowd. I probably would have been kicked out if I tried shopping their braless at 2 am. mostly because it would have involved breaking and entering.

Kristina said...

omigoodness, I used their/there/they're incorrectly and google doesn't let you edit your comments. nooooooo!!!

Kat Curtis said...

Oh, thank you for the laugh. That note snippet was awesome. I'm glad you get to go to NYC - have fun! And yes, your husband is awesome, but you are too for making a bra-less 2am Walmart run. If you ever want to go in waking hours, I can pick you and your kiddos up and you can just take my van and leave your kids here or something. Seriously. That is brutal.