Tuesday, August 25, 2009

To Bensen on August 25, 2029

Dear Bensen,
Today has been a hard day. Dad woke up so sick. I asked him to call in to work but of course he wouldn't. We really can't afford it, but I know he is just miserable right now. He is such a good man. Juliet is almost 2 years old, and all that comes with it. It seems like we can't go 15 minutes without some kind of dramatic melt down. The house isn't in great shape, and all of the chores I have wanted to get done today keep getting put off because you won't go to sleep. You are usually such a good sleeper, which makes it all the more frustrating when you are being stubborn! I texted your dad that we were having a hard day, and that I knew that he probably was too. And he responded that he wished it was 20 years later.



That made me start to think, who is Bensen in 20 years? This is you today. Today you are so sweet. You hardly ever fuss, and you almost always smile. Even in my worst moments, you reach for my face with your little fat baby hand as if to say, "I love you Mom. You're doing okay." And then you smile at me and the room is full of angels. Because angels are who want to be in the company of my sweet Bensen baby.
20 years from now you are a missionary. That is how I imagine you. Tall and strong and handsome. I am so proud of you. I know you will have made good decisions because I have felt your spirit and know that you are eager to please your Heavenly Father. The last 20 years will have been hard ones, but good. We will have struggled financially as all new families do (and should!) I will have sent you off to school for the first time with tears in my eyes because you are such a little boy! But you will be marvelous. Maybe you will have been a wonderful student, maybe you just got okay grades, but definitely you will have been a true and loyal friend to those who needed you. Today you are so small, but already I can feel that it is in your nature to be kind.
Time will have gone by so quickly! Did you play football? Or did you swim? Maybe you were in Marching Band and your dad and uncles made fun of you constantly. But soon you will have graduated high school, and I will be wondering what every happened to my sweet baby boy whose smile invited angels into my home.
And then a blink later, you will have disappeared down an airport corridor, and I will have said goodbye to you for two long years.
So today I am writing to my sweet Bensen 20 years from now, because although I can't know who you will be 20 years from now, I know I'll love you as much as I love this sweet pudgy baby I have in front of me today. And while some days seem so hard I wish it could be 20 years later, 20 years from now when I am thinking of you as a grown man far away on his mission, most likely a little part of me is wishing it was 20 years ago, so I could watch you grow up all over again.
I love you so much.
Love,
Mom on August 25, 2009

Friday, August 7, 2009

In the swimming pool!

Juliet has a love hate relationship with the water, but recently she is leaning more towards love! We bought some floaties for her a few weeks ago, and the first time she put them on she HATED them!! They keep her afloat but they keep her face pretty close to the water, which she didn't like. She is very clingy in the water and never gave the floaties a chance. Well, this week we finally made a break through! I eased her into the water and then just yanked my arms away from her. She bobbed into the water once, her eyes wide in terror and then . . . floated! Terror gave way to surprise, which turned into hysterical laughter. Which turned in to choking. If she opens her mouth her chin dips under water and she gets a mouthful of water. Which she seems to enjoy. Ingesting pool water won't kill an almost 2 year old, will it?
Well by the time we left, she not only loved floating around in the pool but any time I would reach for her she would push me away. It was actually making me nervous because she would really start choking and I'd go to lift her out of the water and she would swim away from me, choking!! What a weird-o.
Enjoy!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

3 years ago TODAY!

3 years ago today I married my sweet heart. He is the best decision I ever made. And I love him. A million bajillion!



2 years ago today my hunny took me to Old Sacramento. I was huge with child. We ate a lot of junk food and had a lot of fun. Except for being huge with child.






1 year ago today my hubby bought me flowers. He also accidentally killed my baby turtle. Oops. We also found out a few days later we were pregnant again. Double oops.





Today my baby love made me pancakes. We exchanged gifts. He went to work. And I missed him while he was gone.


I look forward to a year from today. And the year after that. And the year after that. And the million bajillion years after that.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Domestic Flop.

Well. It was an interesting experiment to say the least. But we learned a few things which is important. Let's review!

Exercise * Scriptures * Book * Dinner * One Room

Monday was a hard day. First of all, Brett picked up an extra shift on his usual day off, so I wasn't able to go to the gym and take my step class I like (HATE) so much. So I went about my day. I cleaned my kitchen top to bottom! I even finally organized my tupperware and cleaned out my fridge. I swept and mopped the floor. I was doing great! While Juliet napped I nursed Bensen and read my spanish scriptures out loud. Bensen fell asleep and I worked on my book. For dinner I made rotini with zesty bolognese, and packed the left overs away in my newly organized tupperware for Brett to take to work the next day. Things were going great when I finally was able to put the kids to bed - except, oh no! I had forgotten to exercise. Even though it was after 11, I really wanted to meet my goal, so I stayed up an extra half hour to do a 20 min ab exercise. I felt empowered and fulfilled when I went to bed. Exhausted, but happy.
As you can see, working on my book was the first thing to go. I never had another moment where both my kids were in bed, except at night around 10:3o when Bensen finally drifts off to sleep. Unfortunately, around this time I start to realize that the room I had been working on all day still wasn't finished. Luckily we live on the bottom floor, so no one minded my midnight vacuuming. I finally crawled into bed nearing 1 am, deciding that my rotting mind could wait to be stimulated the next day. At least my room was clean, dinner had been served, and I had been able to read aloud from my scriptures.
Wednesday rolls around. Gym was easier than pie, I ran/walked/jogged two miles, and felt like I'd really gotten a good work-out. That day's goal was the babies' room. I started picking up toys and clothes, trying to simultaneously entertain Juliet and Bensen. It was a big job and I was getting very frustrated at my children, both of whom seemed intent on making it impossible to get any work done. I would get the books picked up, run out to switch laundry and come back only to find the bookshelf empty. A lot of yelling was going on, a lot of it from Juliet and Bensen, but most of it from me. Nap time couldn't come soon enough! I put Juliet (kicking and screaming) to bed and *gasp* decided to fold laundry while the great laundry unfolder napped. I made it through two loads and Juliet was up again. Dinner was a lovely pot roast. Unfortunately while browning the roast I accidentally spilled oil on one of my burners. No worries, the oil wasn't heated yet and the burner wasn't on. Dinner finally in the oven, I returned to the babies' closet, and started sorting every piece of clothing they own. Ever thing I sorted had to be resorted by Juliet. A spanking and several tears were involved. A plastic bin, two boxes, 2 garbage bags and a million hangers later, I was done. It was bed time, and thank goodness. It seemed like Juliet had been on the verge of histeria all day. I had accomplished most of my goals that day (working on my book was way out of the picture at this point!) but at what cost!? It was after 10 and Juliet was crying in her bed. I felt like a bad mother.
Thursday Brett picks up some extra hours in the morning. We pile everyone into the car and drive him to work, and on the way home stop at the gym. ZUMBA! The class is actually pretty dang fun. But it is hard to juggle two kids, and Bensen is STARVING! I shower at the gym and sit with him in the lovely locker room while Juliet hangs out in the day care which she loves.
Things are going as smoothly as possible, but it is 11 before we get home. Juliet goes down for a nap fairly easily, but Bensen is restless. We pace around a bit to no avail. My bathroom is waiting to be cleaned and I am getting frustrated that he won't sleep. Before I know it, Juliet is awake early from her nap.
This is where the fun begins.
I decide since I have two grouchy kids the easiest thing would be to walk to the pool. Juliet loves the one on one time in the water, and Bensen usually falls asleep in the stroller ride on the way there, so it is a win win situation! EXCEPT . . . the pool is closed. We walk home in the scorching heat. Bensen has fallen asleep, thank goodness. But Juliet is still totally wired from having had a terribly short nap, and being 2. I struggle with her to get her out of her swim suit and she is off like a shot before she gets any clothes on. I coax her into the bath which is an okay second to the pool.
You remember yesterday when I spilled oil on the burner? I didn't. I put a pot on to boil to make Cheesy chicken and veggie mac for dinner, and start cleaning up my bathroom while I wait. I don't have to wait long. The smoke alarm goes off. Right over Bensen's head. Bensen is screaming. I turn the burner off (which thank goodness didn't catch fire!!) I am trying to find something to wave smoke away from the smoke alarm, that sounds more like a tornado siren. There is an oatmeal box on the counter which I grab and start flapping wildly around the detector. Oatmeal packets fly everywhere. The siren finally turns off, and Juliet stumbles out of the bathroom wondering what the heck was going on. Since she was in another room the sound wasn't as detrimental to her as it had been to Bensen. She sees that he is crying and starts bouncing his chair for him, which amazingly calms him down. I start opening windows and putting fans off when, incredibly, the alarm goes off again. Juliet, now right under the stupid detector, jumps out of her skin and starts to scream. She runs straight for me while I am running for the oatmeal box. We collide. I win. She is naked and shiny with bathwater and sprawled across the carpet. Did I mention she was screaming? Bensen also is crying. I wave the oatmeal box frantically trying to get the alarm to turn off. It finally does. Juliet is clawing at my leg. I pick her up and try to shush her. 2 year old in one arm, bouncing 3 month old with other arm, and of course, the alarm just has to go off one last time. This time, instead of just jumping and screaming, Juliet jumps, screams, and pees all down my leg. Instead of going for the oatmeal box, I set a protesting Juliet on the ground and put our box fan in the window. I now have my front door open, the back door open, and the kitchen window open. The alarm finally turns off, and I wonder what my neihgbors think as they listen to my kids shrieking. I pick Bensen up, sit down on the couch and let Juliet climb on to my lap, and we all three have a good cry together.
At this point I am thinking, "to heck with goals." I make dinner with Juliet hanging on my leg, too terrified to let me out of her site. I serve up two plates, put the leftovers in my still organized tupperware, and we all sit and watch "finding nemo" the rest of the night. I go to bed instead of cleaning the bathroom.
By the time Friday rolls around I have decided that instead of being a domestic goddess, I am just going to be a mom. Brett and I exercise in the morning, he heads off to work with his left overs, and the kids and I go to the pool. Juliet naps while Bensen and I read scriptures, and Bensen naps while Juliet and I make macaroni and cheese. I do not fight with my children. I do not try and get things done while they want me to pay attention to them, and consequently, I do not have time to deep clean a room in my house. Everyone goes to bed full and happy, and I straighten up the three rooms I have managed to clean that week. And then I go to bed early. Because frankly, I am a Domestic Goddess. and I need my beauty sleep.