Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Why the new Ender's Game movie is STUPID.

I read Ender's Game for the first time when I was 11 years old.  It was instantly my favorite book (still is)  and like anyone who read it as a kid (who am I kidding, just like anyone who has EVER read it) I immediately wanted to be a part of that book.  In the battle room.  Kickin' butt with Ender Wiggin.

My older brother told me they were thinking of making it into a movie and me, the ever excitable pretweener  filled my days dreaming of playing a role in the film.  I was too old to play Petra - the only girl at battle school - but I would be ok playing Valentine, or they could make up a new role for me.  Or if worse came to worst I could always be an extra. There was no doubt in my mind I would have been cast for this movie.  It was my destiny.

But of course there was no movie.  They were all dirty rotten rumors.

The internet started to exist, and I am sure I was one of the first inhabitants of Hatrack River - back when it was an extensive forum with no members because no one had the internet.  And then something beautiful happened - they were going to make the Ender's Game movie, but for real this time.  I knew it was true because I read it on an internet forum.  I think I was 14.  And although I was technically too old to be in battle school, most likely they would have to hire an older cast anyway, right?  What 6 year old could successfully pull off Ender Wiggin?  I was back in the game.  I would be in this movie.

THE INTERNET LIES.  There was no movie.  Not that year, or the next year, or the next.  And so I grew up, and I grew up content knowing that although I would never be in battle school, although I would never fly through the air and shoot little light lasers and freeze peoples limbs or play in flight simulators or be in the Dragon Army, neither would anyone else.

Until today when I find out that Asa Butterfield will fly.
Hailee Steinfeld will shoot laser guns.
Aramis Knight will go to battle school, courtesy of Sister Carlotta.
And Harrison Ford will take them there.

And me, Kristina Foutz, who once as an 11 year old girl was guaranteed the leading girl-child role in the movie (seriously, I was a total shoe-in) is left out in the cold.  Alone.  Too old to go to battle school.

So even though technology and movie-making magic has finally gotten to a place that will make this movie possible, and even though Harrison Ford is one of my favorite people ever, and even though I will definitely go see it, it is 100%- undeniably -for sure gonna be dumb.  Cause I am not in it.


Dan said...

i told you there were going to make it into a movie.

Melanie said...