Today has been a hard day. Dad woke up so sick. I asked him to call in to work but of course he wouldn't. We really can't afford it, but I know he is just miserable right now. He is such a good man. Juliet is almost 2 years old, and all that comes with it. It seems like we can't go 15 minutes without some kind of dramatic melt down. The house isn't in great shape, and all of the chores I have wanted to get done today keep getting put off because you won't go to sleep. You are usually such a good sleeper, which makes it all the more frustrating when you are being stubborn! I texted your dad that we were having a hard day, and that I knew that he probably was too. And he responded that he wished it was 20 years later.
That made me start to think, who is Bensen in 20 years? This is you today. Today you are so sweet. You hardly ever fuss, and you almost always smile. Even in my worst moments, you reach for my face with your little fat baby hand as if to say, "I love you Mom. You're doing okay." And then you smile at me and the room is full of angels. Because angels are who want to be in the company of my sweet Bensen baby.
20 years from now you are a missionary. That is how I imagine you. Tall and strong and handsome. I am so proud of you. I know you will have made good decisions because I have felt your spirit and know that you are eager to please your Heavenly Father. The last 20 years will have been hard ones, but good. We will have struggled financially as all new families do (and should!) I will have sent you off to school for the first time with tears in my eyes because you are such a little boy! But you will be marvelous. Maybe you will have been a wonderful student, maybe you just got okay grades, but definitely you will have been a true and loyal friend to those who needed you. Today you are so small, but already I can feel that it is in your nature to be kind.
Time will have gone by so quickly! Did you play football? Or did you swim? Maybe you were in Marching Band and your dad and uncles made fun of you constantly. But soon you will have graduated high school, and I will be wondering what every happened to my sweet baby boy whose smile invited angels into my home.
And then a blink later, you will have disappeared down an airport corridor, and I will have said goodbye to you for two long years.
So today I am writing to my sweet Bensen 20 years from now, because although I can't know who you will be 20 years from now, I know I'll love you as much as I love this sweet pudgy baby I have in front of me today. And while some days seem so hard I wish it could be 20 years later, 20 years from now when I am thinking of you as a grown man far away on his mission, most likely a little part of me is wishing it was 20 years ago, so I could watch you grow up all over again.
I love you so much.
Love,
Mom on August 25, 2009
2 comments:
I read this out loud to Steven and it made me cry. I love you.
You are a smart Mom to enjoy the now. "They grow up so quickly" may sound trite, however, it is soooo true. Besides, its the now that is what life is made of. You are very wise! What a good Mom. So glad you are ours!
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