What a waste of markers.

Dear White Board Dudes:

I recently purchased a package of your SRX 2 in 1 dry-erase markers.  My kids got an easel from Santa that included a dry erase board, and I thought the large array of available colors at a good price would be perfect for them.  I opened the package, dumped them in the easel tray, and thought all was right in the world .... until....

First of all the markers are very difficult to open.  My 3.5 year old and 5 year old would bring me marker after marker to open, and even though I think I am a competent adult with average strength (nothing to brag about but I am capable enough keep a house running and de-lid a marker every once in a while.) I had a difficult time opening many of the markers.  This in itself isn't a huge problem since I try and be at least a little interactive with my kids in the rare moments when they are entertaining themselves, and prying off a marker lid occasionally is just about as much contact as I'd want.  The real problem came later.  I have good kids.  They know how to take care of their stuff.  And so when the markers were all put away and my kids tucked into bed, we were happy dreaming, completely ignorant of the fact that all our markers were dying a sad, slow death.  

Those markers, nearly impossible to de-lid, are even more stubborn when trying to re-lid them.  Stubborn and tricky.  They might look like you got the lid on, but upon further examination, they require one last herculean effort to snap that dreadful thing to.  You'd think they had a death wish.

Perhaps they did, for only 3 days had passed and already every marker useless.  And you can bet that after 3 days the package they came in and the receipt that bought them are gone to the wind.  The point of no return.

So I am writing you to let you know, please make your markers a little more accessible and stowable in the future.  What a sad waste of ten dollars.

-The Stay at Home Wonder Mom

suicidal markers

Ten things to do while your newborn naps:

Because you know the second you lay down to sleep, that little fart face is going to wake up.  But as long as you keep your exhausted body moving, he will sleep for HOURS.

1. Write a blog post.  OBVIOUS.

2. Catch up on blogs you used to read - you know, before you got pregnant and stopped doing all those things you used to like doing.

3. Take some pictures of the sleeping fart face. ( But DO NOT TOUCH HIM OR MAKE A SOUND.  Unless you want him to wake up, in which case go lay down for a nap and he'll be up in 10.)

4. Bathe.  hahahahaha just kidding.  5 minutes into your shower guess who will be calling your name!  By the way, intimate moments with your spouse are also a trigger for baby to wake up- not that that would be a problem, since you probably haven't bathed.

5. Eat something while it is still hot!

6. Browse Amazon for things you think you need but know you can't afford.

you know, for all the stud earrings I have scattered around my house.

7. Mindlessly watch netflix.  Find shows you never thought you'd watch in a million years (and realize you actually like them).

8.  Hate on Gwenyth Paltrow.

9. Exercise. (HA! I laugh, not because the baby will wake up when you are exercising- he won't! But because.... well, who does that!?) 

10. Check on your baby every five minutes to make sure he's still breathing. 

Finally, check the clock, realize he's been asleep for 3 hours and wonder WHY DIDN'T I TAKE A NAP???

So I had a baby!

Once upon a time I was great with child.  So we went to the hospital to be induced.

Giving birth is gross and graphic.  So I won't go into details.  You're welcome.  Instead I will show you gross and graphic pictures.

Just kidding.  They are gorgeous.

All black and white images are courtesy of Therese Barrett Photography.  She is fantastic, check out her stuff!

Thatcher Wayne Foutz was born on November 30, 2012 at 10:38 a.m.  He weighed 9 lbs 3 oz, and was sooooooo squishy.

Thatcher
  

Wayne


Foutz


welcome to the world.

Clever Lubbock-Foutzy title referencing the Beverly Hillbillies.

Let me tell you little story bout a girl named Kris
who nearing on a year 'go threw a tantric blogging fit.
she was writing 'bout the Oscars when she was hacked by Gwen Paltrow
and instead of getting even she took 10 months to drown her woes

in ice cream that is.  rocky road.  chocolatey cream.



well the first thing to know, the oscars were a joke
and other things have happened through the year that must be spoke
like Brett is graduating, and Jujy's gettin' educated
and though they didn't plan it kris ended up impregnated

great with child she is, super fat. extra large.



now it's time to say hello to Kris and all her kin
we promise to update some time about Bensen
and Spain and turkey dinners and dear Boise Idaho
and a baby that might not be named before he makes his show.

big debut i mean.  didn't rhyme.  sounded weird.

ya'll come back again.

Oh Oscar.

As many of you know, I love the Oscars. If you didn't know that, you obviously haven't been reading my blog for more than 11 months.

The rest of my post has been demolished by Gwenyth Paltrow.  Now I will hate her for the rest of her life.

HAT.

I made this hat. (instead of cleaning my room.)

It's pretty hard core.  (says the stay at home Mormon mom.)

word.

Today I will crochet a hat.

So I am an amateur crocheter which means I know just enough about crochet to make home-made gifts for friends and loved ones but not quite enough to make home-made gifts that friends and loved ones actually like.  This has made for some awkward Christmases where I think I have done the most awesome present and feel really good about myself and all the hours and love I've put into this gift and my friends and loved ones feel really bad for me and try to act happy and pleased with their semi-terrible scarf or flat-out laughable crocheted stuffed animal.

Brett keeps telling me to stop making home-made gifts.  (In fact he flat-out refuses to let me crochet anything for his side of the family.) He says they aren't things that people ever actually wear unless they are 100% positive they will bump into you that day.  And even then they have to convince themselves to wear that thing just this one time.


So to find out how terribly magnificent my homemade gifts are, I will make myself a hat.  And if I can wear it out in public because I actually like it I will know that I am truly a successful home-made present giver after all.

But if I am embarrassed to wear it out in public, I will secretly know I should stop making home-made gifts.  But I will still wear it and tell Brett how truly awesome I am.  Just to make a point.

Either way it doesn't look likely that the home made gifts will ever stop.  So if I ever draw your name in the annual Christmas swap we should start doing you know what you have to look forward to.